>if you know me very well, at all, you will find this anecdote both amusing and familiar: while searching for a completely unrelated item yesterday, i came across an old writing workbook. some things seemed worth publishing, so here goes:

(i know, it’s probably against everything that little, brown stands for, but i used two colons in the preceding sentence…shoot me).

sometime in spring 2001:

Anxiety about the next stage
Breaks my
Concentration
Diminishes my sense of self
Elevates my level of
Frustration
God is feeling far from my
Heart
I’m searching for the true
Juxtaposition of life and love
Keeping it inside
Leaves me feeling alone
Making everyone else a character
Never makes me feel better
Often out of sorts
Plainly looking for answers
Questions look for me
Repeat themselves systematically
Truth dances alone
Understanding it all
Veiling itself
With my permission
Xciting xtreme xccentricities
Yearning for yin and yang
Zap

5 October 2000
Aggravation
Besets my soul
Covered up,
Defenseless
Energy relinquished
Featuring my angst,
Gravity fails,
Heart resigns
I’m at a loss…
Just set me free
Keep me safe.
Laughing
Means
Never
Opening
Presents to myself.
Quietness quells
Resentment.
Statues feel more
Tranquility.
Underneath,
Vibrance
Waits.
Xi minus
Yin yang equals
Zero.

(no date, 2000-2001)

Self worth
Evades me
Covers and shades me
Reflections don’t show me
Except for in darkness
Take all the memories
Sort through them gently

Remember
Everything
From the beginning
Understand with my heart
Grasp the things worth winning
Evoke the best me

People determine what
Really they see
Often they are wrong
Given their view of me
Repetition and reflection
Even seem far from reach
Show me the answers
Show me to me

9 October 2000
Making new friends
Old ones remain
Visits abound
Interests engage
Never a loss
Grieving is okay

Remember the school bus
Every day a new book
Always in another world
Discovering
Innocence
Needs
Gratified

Melancholy
Understanding
Smart
Inside
Credibility